hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
