Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
