In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
