we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
