I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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