Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
