I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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