All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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