just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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