Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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