i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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