i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
