And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
