i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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