After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
