I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
