Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
