Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
