Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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