she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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