Duck Duck Cougar?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
