Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
