Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
