I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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