i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
