He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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