i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I said "one day" and that day is not today
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
