My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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