Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
