Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
