They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
