wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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