they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
