i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Duck Duck Cougar?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
