Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
