everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
