I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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