If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
