I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
