If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
