he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
