I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
