her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
