I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
