My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
