ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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