Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
