How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
