Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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