i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
