your parents love me but you hate me
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize