Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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