I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
