hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
