Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize