he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Please don't give away my fajitas
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
