Is it normal to miss your booty call?
That's intense
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
