no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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